I’d work in a flower shop and be insecure. And he’d work in real estate…and there’s always cupcake batter on my face, and I’m like, ‘I just made these cupcakes, but I don’t know how I feel!’ And he’s like, ‘Let me get that cupcake batter off your face… with my dick. Cut to me giving him a hand job. Sorry, I’ve had too much caffeine.
Audrey Plaza’s pitch for a romcom starring herself and Ryan Gosling (Vulture)

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Today is World Turtle Day! Respect the turtle.
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